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Build-Your-Own “Anthropogenic Global Something”

Commenter Alvaro of “After Mein Kampf, Mein Klima” Splattergate-era fame has just published another gem in Italian non-warmist site “Climate Monitor“. Its edited and expanded translation is published below as a way to help budding entrepreneurs to identify a niche “Anthropogenic Global Something” where to build their fortunes from.

(Please DO send 10% of the profits).

========

Having learned the lessons of AGW, I wonder if we could emulate the process, starting from scratch though with the aim of finding (and funding) my own place in the sun.

  • First of all, we need a juicy topic, similar to Electrosmog, but not as easy to debunk
  • It also needs to be catchy whilst sounding good in news bites

How about something “magnetic …” – it sounds right and is already well received by the general public, as shown by the never-ending popularity of “magnetic bracelets“.

So, what interesting and “magnetic”? Two minutes spent on Google lead to this (by NASA, no less!), that can be summarily distorted as:

Red alert! The Earth’s magnetic field is no longer constant, indeed it seems that is weakening – and very few percent per century, much more than the changes induced by AGW! And if that field goes, the magnetosphere goes, ending life on earth …

CreatedIdentified the problem, there’s still two important details to care about:

  • We must figure out some “anthropogenic” cause, possibly associated to some kind of “guilt”. Otherwise, there goes the business opportunity
  • Some evil giant corporation has to be the at the root of the problem. This will increase the guilt factor and greatly help in the recruitment of unpaid volunteers

Consider now an old CRT computer monitor. It needs degaussing when it starts being troubled by nearby loudspeakers. That involves the use of of a bit of AC – just as in deleting old music and video tapes. Best of all, there is lots of man-made ACs around. Can you feel the Eureka moment too?

Over the last hundred years, ever since Westinghouse (the evil giant corporation) opted for AC (Tesla’s idea) instead of DC (Edison’s), we have built and then – alas – even synced a giant electricity grid all around our planet, based on AC at 50-60 Hz: a formidable “degaussing grid” of planetary scale!

Of course, this is not enough. Where’s the catastrophe?

  • A sobering message is in order, followed by suitably-placed apocalyptic predictions for decades in the future, in case of inaction

Here comes the message!

We are now painfully aware that we have been unwittingly tampering with Earth’s already-weak magnetic field, risking the wearing out of the magnetosphere. Compared to that, the ozone hole looks like child’s play. So if we do not act now, jetzt, ora, pronto, to stop Anthropogenic Global Degaussing (AGD) we will all fry in a radioactive holocaust, like microwaved mice, in a veritable ELE – Extinction Level Event, We’ll be following in the footsteps of the dinosaurs, in about thirty years’ time, according to accurate peer-reviewed computations.

For the AGD PERP (Precautionary Emergency Response Program) the plan is the following:

  • Take three TRIPs – Temporarily Redundant Important Politicians – and put them in charge of a sky-blue-badged global initiative to coordinate (a) an immediate and massive effort to communicate the seriousness of the AGD emergency, (b) the subsequent coercive-yet-negotiable mitigation initiatives of the impact of the world AC grid and (c) the final big effort to restore Earth’s magnetic field
  • Provide the motives, I mean, encourage large research institutions to align themselves with mainstream AGD in order to harmonize the overall funding for a massive research effort that will confirm the overriding urgency of the TRIPs’ plans
  • Prepare draft Wikipedia article to lay the foundation for a Nobel Prize

And here are a few ideas on what to tell people:

Global Degaussing is the most significant issue of our times, and too important for us to delay it any further. People tend to focus on the here and now. The problem is that, once global degaussing becomes something that most people can feel in the course of their daily lives, it will be too late to prevent much larger, potentially catastrophic changes.

All across the world, in every kind of environment and region known to man, increasingly dangerous degaussing patterns and devastating electric storms are abruptly putting an end to the long-running debate over whether or not magnetic change is real. Not only is it real, it’s here, and its effects are giving rise to a frighteningly new global phenomenon: the man-made natural disaster.

The warnings about global degaussing have been extremely clear for a long time. We are facing a global magnetic crisis. It is deepening. We are entering a period of consequences. Etc etc

Only remaining issue is how to deal with AGD deniers, those unable to listen to reason, and able instead mostly to sacrifice truth on the altar of profits yada yada yada…

Suggestions?

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  1. 2011/01/10 at 13:52

    “mostly to sacrifice truth on the altar of profits” should be rephrased as “mostly to sacrifice such a profitable humanitarian project on the altar of truth”.

    This is closer to what the original author (Alvaro) meant.

  2. 2011/01/09 at 22:33

    Rain ,Rain, Rain ! We have had enough at this point .

  3. C Monster
    2011/01/09 at 18:22

    Outstanding. I only have one critique…

    “We’ll be following in the footsteps of the dinosaurs, in about thirty years’ time, according to my accurate computations.”

    Change that to “peer-reviewed computations.” After all, how many peers could there be? We’ve all viewed the post.

  4. Malcolm Shykles
    2011/01/09 at 17:01

    Another rip off announced today;

    “The EU is to spend more than £1bn on helping Britain capture and get rid of carbon dioxide – a move which could extend the productive life of North Sea oilfields to 50 years and raise £60bn in tax revenues. A new study by Durham University academics estimates that the extra tax revenues will be raised by the UK Treasury if carbon capture is adopted by North Sea oil companies, the Sunday Independent reports.
    Professor Gluyas said: “By putting CO2 in and producing oil the net contribution of CO2 to the atmosphere is around zero. Some in the US call this ‘green oil’, since there is little or zero net emission.”

    Gas injection is commonly used for the extraction of additional oil; CO2, natural gas or nitrogen may all be used. It expands and pushes additional oil to the well bore.

    It does not have to be CO2. The oil companies are getting half witted politicians to pay for their oil extraction.

  5. 2011/01/09 at 16:18

    “…like microwaved mice…” Yikes!! Where do I send the money?

    I think the best punishment for AGD deniers would be for them to continue using electricity, ensuring they get fried first when the time comes.

    The true believers should of course shun such devices of the devil and immediately revert to a pre-industrial lifestyle, giving them a better chance of salvation.

  1. 2011/01/09 at 16:42

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