Home > AGW, Catastrophism, Global Warming, Humor, IPCC, Omniclimate, Policy > Incredibly Accurate Climate Forecast For 2011

Incredibly Accurate Climate Forecast For 2011

(no £33M supercomputer was harmed in the making of this blog)

  • All atmospheric, oceanic, glacial, geological and public-health phenomena with any kind of negative impact will be linked to (anthropogenic) global warming with no shortage of experts confirming how we’d known that all along, and of computer models showing how obvious those consequences have always been
  • No atmospheric, oceanic, glacial, geological and public-health phenomena lacking any kind of negative impact will be linked to (anthropogenic) global warming
  • Romm will continue his fishing expeditions, hoping this or that weather-related mass killing can be taken advantage of, in order to promote the concept of anthropogenic global warming
  • Hansen will get (willingly) arrested once or twice, ready to proclaim 2011 as the warmest year ever, mostly due to extremes of heat in faraway places devoid of people and weather stations
  • McKibben will get even thinner, and just as ineffectual, while identifying new enemies forever closer to himself
  • RealClimate will keep its absurdist censorship policy, and in post after post the Team will “demonstrate” their intellectual superiority
  • Skeptical Science will keep building climate salad surgeries to no end, sprinkling statements of various robustness with seemingly limitless references to the Literature, to be used by the lazy and most scientifically-ignorant among its readership (i.e. the journalists)
  • The Climate Change Rapid Response Team will say nothing of relevance that hasn’t been already said
  • The nastiest criticisms by rabid AGWers will be thrown in the direction of Curry
  • Revkin will keep reaffirming his absolute confidence in mainstream AGW science despite the evidence to the contrary presented in Revkin’s blog
  • Pielke Jr will be distracted by other things, thereby avoiding Revkin’s problem
  • The IPCC will make sure nothing really is changed in its procedures or results
  • McIntyre will be made privy to secret information showing how deeply unpopular in the mainstream climate community is anything remotely linked to McIntyre
  • Goddard (S.) will publish his 25,000th blog post
  • Goddard (NASA’s) will discover that recent thermometer readings must be adjusted upwards, and past ones downwards, for purely scientific reasons of course
  • Watts will be criticized (for being Watts and) for providing web space to people with strange theories
  • ScienceOfDoom will busy himself with explaining the first law of thermodynamics (again!) thereby missing all the fun
  • Connolley will not notice the rest of the planet
  • Tamino will pop up once around here and other places, posting an inane, canned comment that could be written in reply to any other blog post written by anybody on any topic
  • Some people with a very nasty mindset will suggest that the glowing comments to Tamino’s posts might as well have been written by people sharing the same identical DNA with Tamino
  • The recipient of the 2010 Edward Davis Wood, Jr.’s Climate “Blogging Turkey” Award will sink to new lows
  • The art of obfuscating FOI and non-FOI answers will be perfected by the CRU and the BBC
  • Popular media will be filled by photographic reports about a changing climate, with no picture showing anything remotely connected to climate change in a proper scientific way
  • Popular media will be filled by countless breakthroughs in climate science showing how worse it is than we thought
  • Scientifically speaking, there will not be any breakthrough in climate science
  • A very large number of well-known and otherwise knowledgeable scientists will make complete asses of themselves by appearing on TV and in print with idiotic regurgitations of mainstream AGW theory, mostly inconsistent with the very statements made by the IPCC
  • If the weather will keep cold, a major European scientific institution will break ranks with mainstream AGW theory before the summer
  • Popular interest will wane as most people will be titillated about the 2012 “end of the world” instead
  • The EU will find new ways to use climate change to transfer money to the rich, and to China
  • China will happily go along the EU cash-transfer schemes
  • The US Congress and President will strike a united front in protecting climate-change-related pork (money not meat)

And finally for the real world…

  • It will rain, otherwise it will be sunny, foggy, cloudy or overcast. It will snow in places, with sandstorms in other places (or the same ones). It will be cold, then hot, then cold again, or viceversa more or less overall. Some droughts, some floods, and places experiencing drizzle. Unprecedented weather will be experienced for the 200,000th year running, with lack of morals among humans indicated as main culprit for the 200,000th time as well
  • Many people will die of poverty in weather-related events around the world, with the keys being “poverty” and “weather” but all action concentrated on “climate change”
  • Children will keep dying of soot, while the world concerns itself with CO2 emissions only
  • Elderly people will keep dying of fuel poverty, while the world concerns itself to increase fuel prices in order to reduce CO2 emissions
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  1. Earthling
    2011/01/15 at 09:33

    Hmmm, no mention of what Fat Al Gore will be doing in 2011, maybe he’ll retire on his ill gotten gains, which would be sad, that would make one less idiot to poke fun at.

  2. You Poor Soul
    2011/01/04 at 09:58

    Wretched, suicidal cynicism.

    Not funny or clever.

    Simply depressing.

  3. uninformedluddite
    2011/01/04 at 03:31

    Can someone in a position og authority please ban a particular poster/robot who has made the same comment millions of times with no chnage to the text trying to sell a particular book. It’s not as if half the universe hasn;t heard the sales pitch yet.

  4. Martinb
    2011/01/03 at 21:52

    Could I possibly add another one?

    On Planet Daft Deltoid it will get even dafter.

    Sorry to pick on Deltoid (NAH!) but I couldn’t be bothered to type all the others in.

  5. Dan
    2011/01/03 at 18:12

    Fake global warming to increase our taxes, yet another violation of our rights. Add it to the list of gov’t violations of our right:
    They violate the 1st Amendment by placing protesters in cages, banning books like “America Deceived II” and censoring the internet.
    They violate the 2nd Amendment by confiscating guns.
    They violate the 4th and 5th Amendment by molesting airline passengers.
    They violate the entire Constitution by starting undeclared wars for foreign countries.
    Impeach Obama and sweep out the Congress, except Ron Paul.
    (Last link of Banned Book):
    http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000190526

  6. moonman
    2011/01/03 at 17:53

    by god they are right the more i here aboat global warming the hotter i get im so hot it makes me want to cool all these rip of artist ,like put them in the frozen ground

  7. Svetozar Madzharov
    2011/01/03 at 08:42

    my machine uses only solar energy. I guess as a need in the world will still have natural anomalies

  8. Sean
    2011/01/02 at 17:35

    I think you are bing a bit too pessimistic here. The “warmest year ever” mantra was started before mid-year 2010 on expectations of a strong El-nino. With a well established La nina for 2011, “natural climate variability” is will be the new mantra for 2011. Give Revkin a break, he suddenly is making posts on his DOT Earth blog where he gets warmists and skeptics to present both sides of an issue (Dessler and Spenser on cloud feedbacks under the cover an a northeastern snow storm). On the other hand, don’t ever expect an admission of defeat on climate change. Skeptics will know their position has achieved parity with the “consensus” when the subject changes.

  9. Mike Mangan
    2011/01/02 at 13:18

    By the end of 2011, all evidence that “Keith Briffa” ever existed will have been removed from the internet…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Briffa

  10. Baa Humbug
    2011/01/02 at 13:12

    If the weather will keep cold, a major European scientific institution will break ranks with mainstream AGW theory before the summer

    Lets hope so. Any ideas about which one? (Russia or Ukraine doesn’t count)

  1. 2011/01/03 at 15:39
  2. 2011/01/02 at 17:18

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